When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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