bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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