I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
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He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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