I bet he comes in French.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
