i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
