She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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