the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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