You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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