im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
