My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
