Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize