You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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