We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
