my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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