hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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