she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
