Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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