I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
be right there i have to get my cape
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
