So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
