When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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