On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize