So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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