My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
