I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
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My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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