We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
