The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
