; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
