no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
