i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
