I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
