the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
this hospital has no fireball
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
