Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
