I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
