He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
