I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
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Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
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If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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