It's just like the Real World with babies
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
