I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
