Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
