I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
there was a trapeze. enough said
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
