pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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