i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
