No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
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Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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