i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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