Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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