hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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