I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
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Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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