I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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