Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
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I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
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Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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