You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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