So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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