He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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