I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
