you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
