did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
