My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
