i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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