Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Send help, water and tortillas.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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