You're completely useless in the revolution.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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