So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
