her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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