i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
