Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
