The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
