You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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