U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
