I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
