I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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