Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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